I stumbled upon this article from CNN (http://www.cnn.com/2008/LIVING/personal/12/25/tf.new.year.relationship.resolutions/index.html) and have to agree with a lot of it. A lot of women fall into these traps. It's hard to figure out how it happens and you vow never to do it again. So yeah, I agree with a lot of the article. However, what I didn't like about this article is that there's no counterpoint for men. Where are the men's new years resolutions regarding relationships? In an attempt to even out the gender scale, here's my stab at the list a list of men's beliefs (though not necessarily resolutions) that should change.
1. "She's not that crazy." (aka, "Crazy chicks are hot" "A little drama keeps things interesting" "She swears she's not usually like that" etc.)
You've been seeing each other for maybe a month and she's calling you her boyfriend, putting up pictures of the two of you in her office, and making plans to introduce you to her parents. Every time you go out with your friends, she wants to know if you've slept with any of your female friends or thinks that you're going to. You think to yourself, "Oh, she's just clingy." or "She just likes me a lot." Um, no. She is on a one-way path to yelling at you in the bar, running out crying, and then begging you to forgive her for making a scene.
There are rational ways to have these conversations but sometimes, it doesn't quite work out that way. (Alcohol is usually a factor.) There are women who jump into (what they think are) relationships at the first sign of interest or intimacy. Hey, we've all fallen victim to a crazy moment but they eventually go away. What doesn't go away are the guys who think this type of behavior is normal and even encourage it. So next time you see a repeated pattern of drama/crazy, put a stop to it or leave. Don't think it's hot or that the sex makes up for the crazy.
** Disclaimer: I know all women aren't crazy and that there's a relative degree to craziness. I'm just saying that if the behavior is there (and repeatedly there), guys shouldn't encourage it or tolerate it. There are healthy ways of dealing with relationship issues. Ways that don't lead up to garbage cans being flung at someone's head...
2. "She said she's okay with a casual arrangement."
See Resolution #2 in the aforementioned article.
I would like to state, however, that there are women capable of a casual (read: sex only) relationship. These women are few and far between, but they're out there… However, that doesn't give you guys license to lead her on into thinking that there's more to this arrangement. Don't act like you're interested, don't pretend to make future plans and don't feed her crap about your feelings. Be direct and honest. If she can't handle it, she'll eventually leave.
3. "My girlfriend has no idea…"
Um no, she does. She just chooses to ignore it. (It's part of the crazy.)
I'm sure there are more but these are the ones that I've come across most frequently and the ones that bother me the most. Trust me, there are perfectly sane women who are capable of taking things slow. There are fun-loving chicks who are laid back and unfazed by your comments/behaviors (and maybe even join in). There are also women out there who have no problems with casual relationships and may even surprise you with what they're willing to do. BUT, how the dynamic and the relationship/arrangement is handled is a two-way street. So don't play games and don't lead us on. We won't if you won't...