Back to school

I have to head back to school today. I'm dreading the unavoidable "How was your break?" conversations. First of all, it's just small talk; you don't really care. Second, it's none of your damn business. Any one of my classmates that I actually like, I've already talked to. They know how my break has been. Yes, I'm cranky. So in preparation for this inevitable question, I'm compiling a list of snarky responses.

• I holed up in the woods and finished "my project" (using air quotes, of course)
• I drank a lot and regressed to my 21-year old self. But it's okay. If I'm pregnant, I know what to do this time.
• I found God. Would you like to discuss how? Maybe you can find Him, too.
• I found Satan. He's standing right next to you, actually.
• I drank and talked a lot about poop, taint, balls, smegma, and various jobs
• I tried to run away to Vegas to get married but never got out of Midway
• I educated others on various birth control methods, including IUD's, the patch and Deprovera
• I helped create new beverages that probably should be banned from human consumption
• I started this blog and no, you can't have the URL
• What break? We were on break? Wait, who are you?
  
• GFY
• I made a case for a new anxiety disorder

Some of these are actually true...